Decoding your man: God’s way.

Over a year ago a few ladies at my church started a bible study. This is nothing new, right, I mean I have been going to this church for over 25 years. I often joke that I was born in the pew I sit in. So when I was approached about going to this “wife” bible study, I agreed but to be honest I didn’t think I would gain much from this. At this point I had been married for a bout 5 1/2 years so I thought I had this whole “wife” thing down, and I raised in church so I knew how a wife was supposed to act.

We began this study called “Created to be his Help Meet”. With in the first chapter my toes had been crushed by how hard Debi Pearl had stepped on them. I have attended a few bible studies but I have never finished one. How awful is that? I know! There is absolutely no excuse for this other than I was failing as a christian. I was spiritually immature and I only wanted to hear the good things God could offer me. So when I “thought” I was rocking this whole marriage thing and then found out I was kind of sucking at it, I had to find out more. I knew going into this that I was only going to be married once and I could not mess it up. This study really showed me step by step how to change what I was messing up. I really recommend you looking into this book, either by yourself or even with a group of ladies! The also have a Husband’s study and a pre-marriage study.  I have not read either of these but I do love the wife study.

I do not get any kids of benefits from the link above nor do I have any association to the Pearls, I’m just sharing the love. Also I prefer the older copy to the new and revised 10 year addition. I just don’t agree with the 2 chapters that she added in.

Anyways back to decoding your man. In this book there is a very in-depth chapter on what your husbands need might be, and how you can help him as a Godly wife. I’m going to quickly talk about the 3 types of men and ways to serve them, that Debi goes over in her book! I would love for this to be a multiple part post, so I may look into more “serving your husband” posts. So y’all be on the look out.

Decoding your man what does this mean? To me this is just realizing that not all men are created equal. Every man has different needs and as their wives we are supposed to fulfill a lot of these needs. The problem with this, is men are notorious for not asking for help, so we are left trying to figure out what we think they need. This can be a problem because we add our own needs into the equation and then form so kind of false theory as to how we can help. So like I said there are 3 main types of personalities for men. Each man has his own make up of these. So while mine is like 80% one and like 20% of another, yours could be a completely different make up. Please keep this in mind as you read.

The Commander:

This man is dominant, a born leader. He is chosen by other men to be a leader. He will go above and beyond what is called of him. The commander wants his wife to serve him. He has to be leader and he needs his wife to follow. He will probably even correct you without even a second thought. You should count your blessings that you are married to a strong, bossy man. He knows what he wants in life and he does not stray from that. If you are married to the commander you have to earn your place in his hear. This means you will have to stand by him, be faithful, loyal and most of all, obedient. You should never shame him, nor belittle him, or ignore his accomplishments. He will probably not take out the trash or clean up the trash, if he is asked to do so he will command someone else to do it. You can ruin your marriage by failing to honor and obey your husband’s authority. You can heal your marriage by becoming his Queen, by honoring and obeying his every word (reasonable or not).

The Visionary:

This man is a dreamer. He will move and relocate without a second thought. He will often be an inventor. He will love confrontation. He will either be very wealthy or very poor. If he is not wealthy he will surly be rich in experience. The visionary will need a stable, but she should know how to be reckless to enjoy the ride. You will need to be flexible and loyal. Life will be and adventure. He will need your support to be freely given. He needs a wife that will not take offence easy. The Visionary is not made to be a comforter. You can ruin this marriage by failing to follow, believe or participate. You can heal your marriage by laying aside your own dreams and embrace your calling to be a help meet for your man.

The Steady:

This man is a rock. He does not make snap decisions. He will not spend his last dime on a new idea. He won’t tell other people what to do. Does not like controversy. He will be faithful till the end. This man is content with his wife for the rest of his life. He will not put undue pressure on his wife. He doesn’t expect you to he his servant. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured or forced.  If you are married to the steady man and you are a hopeless romantic, you may not see what he is worth and this means that you are not serving him. He is not spontaneous. He will try to please you and he will become confused if you are unhappy and will try to serve you more. Count your blessings if you are married to this wonderful, kind, loving, serving man. Watch your attitude because if you are a tiny bit selfish you will look ungrateful compared to him. He will love you, adore you, protect you and serve you. As the steady man’s wife you should pray for wisdom for him and you should stop expecting him to preform for you. He will probably not pray with the family, or speak out in witnessing, nor will he be bold in church. Unless he is asked of course. As his wife you should learn to seek his advice and then give him time to answer. The steady man likes his wife to walk beside him. He needs a hard-working, resourceful woman with dignity and honor. She needs to be self-sufficient in all tasks of life. He will make wise well thought out decisions. He will be the man to take out trash and even clean up the mess. He is liked by everyone. He is always in demand, to fix a car, build a house, or even heal them of cancer. As his wife you may never have him to yourself. You can ruin this marriage by failing to appreciate, wait on, or be thankful for your husband’s qualities. You can heal your marriage by being joyful and realizing what kind of friend, lover and companion you have been given.


As you can guess I am defiantly married to “The Steady”! He does have qualities of “The Commander”  but he is majority steady. If you are worried about your husband leading you down the wrong path, just look back at some of the other wives in the bible such as Abraham and Sarah.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:22-23

 I hope that I have somehow helped you serve your husband. I would love to hear some of y’alls stories. Have a blessed day!

Love Ya,


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